I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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