I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
