so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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