So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
