my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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