Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
