I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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