I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
