The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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