she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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