Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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