I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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