Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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