I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
