He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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