hotel room ftw
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
