he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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