mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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