I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
