just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
