Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
