a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
