i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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