Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
