I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
