Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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