i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
