I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
