Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
