I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
