Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
