I need help removing her.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
