She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
