Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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