margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
