I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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