The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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