Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
