I bet he comes in French.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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