You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize