my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
