Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
