i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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