He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just found puke in my bra..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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