I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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