Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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