i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
