On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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