I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
