I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
