1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
