Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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