You really coming over, don't trick.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
