just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
