You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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