You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
