I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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