She is in my trunk
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
