dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
