I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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