I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
