At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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