The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
