So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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