So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
