I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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