I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
