why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
