So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
