allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
