Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
