You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
