i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
