Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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