I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
