Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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