He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
