i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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