She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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