Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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